24 January 2009

Forbidden Thoughts from the Peanut Gallery

I don't usually talk politics.

It's an odd sort of thing to have come from the mouth of a girl whose mother will die a die-hard Democrat, waving an American flag, and attesting to the brilliance of our country and its government. She even ran for the Wyoming State House as a Democrat (in a state full of Republicans). Who even knew they recognized the Democrats on the ticket?? But there were four or five Democrats in our tiny town of 2500 people, and sure enough they encouraged her to run.

Of course she didn't win.
But it was her way of prodding me and my sisters into 'being all we could be'. You know, we could be anything we wanted to be, because girls are as good as boys. That's my mother, a complete liberal--Democrat to the bone, All-American, and a total supporter of feminine rights.

Um....well let's make that a supporter of women's rights. I don't know that I'd go way out on a limb and attribute 'feminine' as one of her virtues.

See, when I say 'girls are as good as boys', let me make it perfectly clear that she didn't see it worked in the other direction as well. I'd even say my little brother was more of a second-class citizen partly due to the Y-chromosome in his make-up. There was really no room for 'equality' in my mother's world view. She was too busy (as were all the other women's libbers) trying to prove to the world that she was just as good as or better than the men. She could do it all--run a home, work a full-time job, raise her kids, and participate on dozens of committees while still maintaining the illusion that everything in her home was PERFECT.

Except of course when something wasn't.
And there was a lot that wasn't.
But that's a subject for another time.

Today's post is brought to you by the Democrat-I'm-Not-Despite...or maybe Because Of...My-Mother.

I tried to do 'her' thing. For about the first ten years of my marriage, I was utterly convinced that I too could have it all. The house, the kids, the husband, the Ozzie-and-Harriet routine, and somehow still manage to work PT and even go back to college too.

But somewhere in the haze of 3 a.m. colic with my last son followed closely by four years of repeat hospitalizations due to my husband's recurrent cellulitis, I realized I didn't WANT my mother's lifestyle. When Manling #4 would finally go back to sleep, I was so exhausted I could barely make it through the day with the other three. A perfect household was NOT in the cards. DH's hospital 'vacations' put a tremendous strain on our budget, our nerves, and our marriage. We went into debt trying to continue our regular lifestyle even when he was only drawing disability for part of his time off work.

At our lowest point, we even had one of the credit card companies calling us because I was a month behind on a payment; and I will never forget listening to the phone ringing, wondering if it was THEM again, and thinking to myself, "we're going to lose everything."

That was about the time we all realized things had to change.
And it was tough.
DH and I had grown up with parents who had not given us 'everything we asked for', but we'd never really gone without either. Looking back I realize now there were times my mother and stepfather must have been hard-pressed for money, but it was never talked about. Instead of discussing finances and training me to manage my own household, my mother told me to plan to take over the world--no doubt figuring I'd marry some nice accountant who would manage all my bills and budget for me. (Either that or we wouldn't have money in this 'Golden Age' we'd be living in.)

It took another three years of struggling with managing our money before we finally started getting the hang of budgeting. We're still not out of the hole we dug, but the light is brighter and the end is at least in sight.

We started a backyard garden and canned and froze the excess. I started haunting survivalism and homesteading boards, looking for ways to maximize our money and make sure if something did go wrong we'd still be able to feed our family of four ever-hungry, fast-growing sons. We also had the debate when we started the garden about organic vs. non-organic--and the whole house agreed that we would never knowingly eat a bunch of potentially harmful chemicals, so why would we dump them on plants we were intending to eat.

DH had been diagnosed with really nasty eczema (which had contributed to the cellulitis due to skin breaks and repeat infection). In order to make things more bearable for him, I found a recipe for making our own laundry soap and cut out the fabric softener. The fifth or sixth time he was in the hospital, he was also diagnosed with hypertension and gout. He'd never had a gout attack--but the doctor told him it would only be a matter of time if he didn't change his diet. The youngest Manling and I also had food sensitivities, so we started with a lower protein diet for DH and ended up with a mostly-from-scratch diet that has done wonders for my IBS and doesn't affect Manling #4's stomach.

What does all of this have to do with my mother's Liberal Democrat upbringing?
Not a thing. That's the point.

I recently took a good hard look at my political leanings--mostly in light of things I've been hearing and reading about what to expect in the next four (and possibly eight) years. I think it's become pretty clear to me that I'm not a Democrat. I'm not a Republican either. But I'm too conservative for an Independent. I think about as close to a title as I'm going to get is Libertarian. I might even swing as far as Green depending on the issue. I think it's probable I might have to start a new political party--something like "Conservative Hippie". LOL

In the last couple of years, I've incorporated new words into my life that would make my mother roll over in her grave (as she no doubt will be sooner or later). Words like: suburban homesteader, homeschooler, housewife, Christian woman, pro-life, and survivalism. I've got friends who are a wide range of political leanings and religious bents--from Democrats to Libertarians, pagans to faithful LDS. Most of the people who live on my block know me as 'the weirdo'--THAT homeschooler who dresses half-hippie and half-Mennonite (I usuall wear a headcovering or have my hair pulled up). All this adds up to make me into about the closest thing to a polar opposite my mother could have. I'm understandably not celebrating this week.

Most of all I'm the proud mother of four sons. FOUR. SONS. Four Manlings of various ages, who I hope will grow up to be good husbands and fathers and providers for their families. I have learned a lot about boys/men in the last fifteen years. And then again, there's a whole lot I still don't understand.

But I will say this--my mother was very wrong when she said girls were just as good as boys. Girls are girls. Boys are boys. There's no room for comparison.

Don't believe me? Ask a mother of four girls. *smile*

I love my Manlings.
I love my country.
I sincerely hope things are going to start looking up....for all of us.

18 January 2009

Of Books, Boys, and Nothing in Particular

Another Sunday.
Another white wintery day.
We actually had a decent amount of snow last evening and into this afternoon. It's not a Wyoming Blizzard....but at least the grass is covered! Or was...until Manlings #3 & 4 scooped most of it up for their sledding ramp in the backyard. Thank goodness it's started coming down again to cover up the bare sports. Just so I can pretend we've had a snow 'storm.'

Manlings #1 & 2 came back from their Boy Scout Klondike Derby this morning, only to find me on the warpath after tearing apart the living room and their desks--only to find a whole lot more left undone than had been confessed to last week. I was NOT happy. Neither was their dad. Privileges have been revoked. A martial state has been declared, and we're going to have a long couple of weeks ahead of us trying to get back on track.

*sigh* Just when I thought things were getting better.

You know, it's not even that they didn't do the work as they said they did. It's the LYING that accompanied it. I hate it when my kids lie to me--for whatever reason. It really feels like someone has punched me square in the stomach, and I just can't get my breath. They know I'm going to be mad if they don't do their homework; but why lie about it? Lying just makes me even angrier, and they've blown my trust in them.

*feels small* Sometimes I envy parents who can send their kids off to public school. At least they can have a break from the constant presence of a child who cares so little for their parents' affection that they have no compunction about telling white-faced lies.

I just don't get it.

On the upside, the younger two both told me this morning that they feel things have gone much more smoothly now I'm home to explain things to them more. I know they're enjoying more mom/boys time.

With the older two out of the house for camp this weekend, I did get some cleaning done. My living room looks much more live-able now, and we rearranged the dining room to better accommodate our table (which really is too large for the room but that can't be helped with six people).

There was a whole fiasco this summer with my oldest sister who was using my house as her own personal storage unit the last year or so. When she finally decided she could find room in her new place, I had to literally empty of her crap out of my house in the space of a weekend. (Very hard to do when most of it had been put to use with her permission and blessing.) To be honest, I hadn't really liked having her 'stuff' cluttering up my house in the first place. You know how somethings just 'don't belong'? That pretty much sums up her items. Everything put me on edge. But getting it all out in one large sweeping clean-up meant a lot of holes and misplaced items of mine, which I haven't really had time to correct what with working so much.

This weekend I finally managed to banish the holes and start replacing things where they belonged. My tins and sewing things have reclaimed their places in my living room. My apple knicknacks have restaked their rightful places on the entertainment center. Best of all, it feels like MY house again.

And let me tell you what: DH and I have worked too long and too hard for what we have for us not to walk into this house and be able to claim it as our own. This is OUR space. It's not big, and it's not fancy...but it's OURS.

10 January 2009

I'm dreaming of a white...Sunday?

The snow has been falling quite happily outside my contented little home for most of the late afternoon. It's probably the first 'real' snow we've had this winter--although there have been two or three with accumulation, they didn't last and were mostly sleet/freezing rain. This is honest-to-goodness white flakes with a solid two to four inches of ground cover. I'm inclined to take this as a sign that Mother Nature (in all her wisdom and glory) has decided we idiots in the Mid-Atlantic deserve a White Winter too. Amen.

On a more domestic note, I decided to take advantage of our Winter Storm Warning Day and do a little 'redding up' as my PA Dutch ancestors would say. Heaven knows, with four Manlings, a husband, the cat, a Punkin rabbit, and five little piggies in this house 24 hours a day, seven days a week--give or take trips to the grocery store and errands--the place is starting to look a bit rough around the edges. I'm not sure houses were actually built to take This Much Abuse.

The basement got a good going-over since all our school stuff is down there. The 'classroom' needed organizing and sorting. I even found a couple of books I missed which will come in handy for our Geology unit. OH! And I found the planner that had 'gone missing' months ago! ...only I already bought another. Oh well. I'll just erase the started pages and use it again this fall. LOL

The kitchen and dining room got picked up and swept. It is starting to look like human beings live here. Now if I could just do something about my icky stove and cabinets... Our home was rented before we moved in, and the tenants didn't really take great care of the place. Consequently the kitchen only gets So Clean before this gigantic gaping hole in the universe opens, and TPTB sit on my nasty dirty range hood and laugh maniacally at me. I've tried everything I can think of to get the grease off that hood and the cabinets around it...and they just won't come clean. I guess there's only so much accumulated filth you can remove. Thank heavens my DH and I are also in complete agreement about removing that entire section of the kitchen first. Hopefully soon.

On the homeschooling front, the Manlings started homework back up this week. Well...the younger two did anyway. In a spurt of motivated insanity, they finished up their Colonial America lapbooks, worked on their Genesis lapbook, and started their Geology Notebook. Next week we are starting up the American Revolution with sections on all the major players, and they are going to do Noah's Ark for their Genesis lapbook.

Manling #3 is doing better than expected in his reading but lapsed a bit on what he was asked to do in copywork and math. We had a little chat about what to expect now that my work schedule has stabilized and I'm home most of the morning/afternoon to help out more. He's actually quite content with how things are going and is an incredibly happy child.

Manling #4 is my handful, and I dearly love him in spite of it. He's been very grumpy about learning to read and has been pretty resistant to it. DH suggested that perhaps he's afraid that if he learns to read I'll stop reading to him. (I read to the whole family quite a lot. We're working on Johnny Tremain for history with the younger two...but the older two listen in. The 'family' book at the moment is Brisingr by Chris Paolini.) I had a talk with him and let him know that learning to read will not stop family reading time...and the next morning I got much less resistance when we went over his McGuffey Reader lesson. He's started a new copywork book which is children's poems (and he loves it!) and is re-starting his Explode the Code book which he had been refusing to do. Yay!

Manling #1 is chomping at the bit for the Civil War Unit I have planned to start in March, so I'm giving him some upper-level reading to do on generals and important people. I think I might have him start a CW notebook on them that we can then add to when the other three are ready. He is also supposed to start plotting what he'd like to study when he starts 'high school' in the summer.

Manling #2 has been having some "focus" issues and found himself behind in Math and Science. He's playing catch-up at the moment and isn't happy. But he's realized it's better to finish small chunks every day than have to do a whole bunch all at once. Lesson learned. I also told him he couldn't start his WWI Unit until the make-up is done. Ouch. That didn't make him happier.

Overall I think things are going to run a bit more smoothly now that I'm not working as much and at a better time. It's just too distracting and non-productive to put in extra hours all the time and really get nothing out of it. I'm much more relaxed too, both at home and at work. I was a little worried about learning to bill...but I've actually been enjoying it. It's mindless and easy on the nerves and gives me some much-needed downtime in the evenings. I get to unwind, then come home and finish up whatever needs doing yet before bed.

A reference for me:
http://www.homeschoolforfree.net/2007/09/lapbooking-links.html

It's a list of lapbooking resources. Heaven knows I'm gonna need it!

03 January 2009

This is my Grown-Up Blog

As I was updating my Homeschool Blog this morning (for the sixth time in two years) and then updating my LJ and checking MySpace, I realized that maybe I was going about this all wrong. Much as I've loved my LJ, I honestly think I've outgrown it. It's become a very convenient excuse to vent and rant to several close friends...and that's about it.

I need some place to organize my regular day to day stuff--homeschooling, homesteading, religious views, Christian woman stuff, and survivalism.

I need a place to put my favorite links that deal with all of this.

I need some place to be a grown-up.

LJ allows me to still be a crazy fangirl for my one-and-only TV addiction: Stargate. But I feel like it's allowed me to stagnate and not move ahead in other areas of my life. So...it's time for a little maturity and sober introspection.

And here it shall start.